17: Oddballs

We've all seen them, people at raves so far off their nut that they have no idea what they are doing. There's the legendary story of MC Man Parris at Amnesia house spotting a guy trying to rock out with his cock out, bless him. I often wonder what happened there; did he flop the old lad out on purpose or wandered back from the bogs forgetting to tuck it back in? Maybe he had a big winkle and wanted to pull but just didn't have the vocal dexterity to structure a sentence due to the 3 double doves he ingested an hour previously. Either way that lads night ended early and no doubt with a punch in the gob as well.
I have seen a girl whip out a tampon at Aston Villa leisure centre so she get fucked behind the speakers, and sling it off into the background, that was an image i found hard to shake and even harder to masturbate to.  I managed to pull it off though.....

The depths some people would go to when off their heads never fails to baffle me, like wearing Hi-Viz waistcoats, sucking a childs dummy, wearing white gloves or the most reprehensible of all, asking random strangers if they want a decongestant rub massaging into their sweaty torso or worse, genitals. These popped up in late 93 and was soon adopted by the happy hardcore scene more than by the junglists. Why come to a rave with a Hi-Viz jacket? Because it glows in the dark under UV lights. So does cat piss but i wouldn't cover myself with that either. Rubbing Vics vaporub into your face was never a great idea, your eyes would stream water in a vain attempt to repel the vile smelling menthol fumes from your field of vision; another retarded idea i never indulged in. At UK hardcore raves nowadays some girls look like cyberpunks, head to toe in UV clobber, looking like economy hookers from Blade runner. Call me old fashioned if you like, but the sight of a girl wearing a harlequin catsuit used to (and still does to a degree) make my privates tingle.  I remember Top buzz MC, Mad P saying "who's that wanker in the Arsenal T-shirt? sort your fucking life out mate" I always hated seeing lads at raves in football shirts. Do they think that by wearing an Aston Villa away kit, girls would be flocking to them? Seriously deluded fools if so. Actually, while i mention AVFC i remember a funny thing some lad i know done back in 1991. Every saturday afternoon him and his mates would fall out of the local pub and go to the phonebox over the road and phone the Sunday Sport with stupid bull shit tales and one week they were successful. He told them a Yeti in an AVFC away kit approached him on the village gren and stole his trainers. Front page news, that one.

Double dropping; The practice of taking 2 E's at the same time. How could that be a bad idea? Depends on your point of view i suppose but i always thought eyes rolling into the back of your head, jaw swinging and the inability to be able to contsruct a lucid and coherent sentence ruined the evening. I tried it once with double doves.... those were strong pills and i only done it once, i thought i would die from the rush and didn't find it as pleasing as my mates had led me to believe, the fuckers. I remember seeing a mate in a straight club with eyes spinning like a fruit machine and jaw shaking like a shitting dog saying "this is the best i've ever been". Yeah? try telling your face mate, because it looks a lot different. Bless them.